Nighttime Comics Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's leading comedians spent their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the new plan that allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. A government portal promises approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.